The Beginning

Well, This blog will be a like diary for me. But I seriously want help. So, constructive criticism people. Emphasis on constructive.
This first entry I wrote in my Diary last week. So here goes. *takes deep breath*

Sometimes I think I’m going to end up alone and that scares me. A lot. I tend to to be scared of things quite a bit. I was told that I have some kind of defense mechanism for rejection. That I anticipate it. I think it started in 5th Grade. To most people, it probably doesn’t seem like a big deal, but to me at that time it was, and still is. It’s so embarrassing when I think about it and I hate to talk about it. I always prefer to write. I wasn’t the same after. I was more careful, more hesitant, quiet.
It was Valentine’s Day and there was this boy I liked. He had beautiful eyes. Anyways, I had asked him to be my valentine and he shot me down. Told me he liked some other girl, who was like my archenemy. She had spread rumors about me.
I had started putting on weight then. I think it was the beginning in a lot of ways. That’s when all the insecurities and the comparisons started. I always feel like I’m not good enough. Even to this day, I’m scared.(I’m in 11th grade now.)I go to all-girls school and it didn’t exactly help. I would love to go to a co-ed school before I got to college but I don’t know if I can handle it. In a way, I’m kind of glad for all my parents restrictions, because what if my parents let me do anything and then I find out no guy wants me? No way. I’ve never had sex, never even kissed a boy.
No boy I have liked, has ever liked me back. It’s always the ones who are barely attractive. Not me. I’m approached by the ones who seemingly have nowhere going in life.Otherwise I’m just stared at. What do they think of me? Am I too fat? Is my hair not straight enough? Is there something wrong with my clothes? I never let things go. They just stay there and fester. It’s terrifying to not know where you stand with people. Downright scary to think someone is your friend and then see them ‘pulling the trigger’. I always assume the worst. And 85% of the time, I’m right.

A/N: So what do you think?